FAQs on my Love Story
I am really tired of answering the same clichéd questions people ask me regarding my love story! Why can’t people understand a simple love story is beyond me. And then their next question is invariably ‘ Why I did not get married?’.
So folks, before you get more inquisitive about my mortal level love story – here is it for you all!
When did you fall in love and with whom?
I fell in love in around November – December 1992. I fell in love with SM (name withheld – hereinafter SM) who was a devotee of Maa Kali and used to get possessed by Her every Tuesday and Saturday during puja time. He even mentioned that he gets possessed sometimes just by listening to aarti, conch shells, bells that are played during satsung!
How could you fall in love with some such person – being a science student, with a Military upbringing & background, with better schooling and education standards?!
Agree to all this. After college, I joined my parents in Ambala and we had a huge bungalow. There was a Kharga Library very close to my residence. Since I was fresh out of college-hostel life – I suddenly found myself completely isolated (as you are aware in hostel we are always chatting away to glory and always with friends) so my only solace was the Library books.
After finishing many books to my liking…I came across Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. I read his volume I and volume II (rest were repetition of the same knowledge – my personal feeling). Through his lectures and fundas, I came to know about ‘Kundaini Shakti’ and how one has to awaken this shakti in order to get connected to the divine! Now this was a very great revelation to me! I was always religious….both me and my sister in fact had very strange dreams about Gods and when we told around, people thought that we are just making up stories. Through this we had realised one thing – dreams of God is not a very common happening – so we kept the dreams to ourselves!
Obviously after reading and getting totally devastated…overwhelmed by Complete Works, I also borrowed the Ramakrishna Kathaamrit – obviously wanted to know whose disciple was this great man!
Being a Bengali, how come you knew nothing about them since childhood?
I just knew their names. My mother even had their pictures in the altar. I knew them by their name – like recognised who they were but had never read about them. We studied in Kendriya Vidyalaya – and we never had any chapter on them too.
In fact I remember that Swamiji’s picture was right above my bed when I was very young (in Delhi some 4-6 years old). My mother had got the pictures as presents in her marriage. In Bengal it is quite common to get gifts like Geetobidhan, Geetanjali and images of Gods, scenery etc. as marriage gifts.
I remember once I had asked my mother about Swamiji and she had mentioned something like ‘ a great Indian saint from Bengal who went bare feet around the world preaching them about God…and that he had even seen God!’.
I had a habit of not wearing slippers because of which my mom scolded a lot too.
I vaguely remember this but once I had gone bare feet in the veranda and because it was sunny outside, my feet burnt and I ran back inside. It really had made me wonder why on earth did he go around the world bare feet and why didn’t anyone buy him slippers! I used to sometimes rub my hands in ice cubes and put my cold thumbs on his feet…asking him whether he felt any better!
Please continue with your love story.
Yes, so I read in Ramakrishna Kathaamrit about how he used to see God, Maa Kali, speak to her, about Bama Khapa and others too. I read Autobiography of a Yogi too where such unusual incidents were stated like leaving the body and travelling etc. – something that I had read in Lobsang Rampa too. Anyways, my head got totally filled with spirituality and I wanted to see the end of it. I started looking for ‘kundalini awakening’ mantras and ways. Tried pranayama etc. (although it was made very clear by all the authors writing about ‘kundalini Shakti’ that one must awaken this shakti under the tutelage of a very competent spiritual master…else one can go mad beyond repairs…as doctors have no cure for astral or subtle bodies!)
Dad’s retirement and our coming to Kolkata for good.
…to be continued.