My Love His-story!

I too have a Love story…. 

I shifted to hostel (Lady Brabourne, Kolkata) in September1988. Made many friends. Our favorite topic of discussion was – of course – ‘how would our husbands be?’. Will we have a love marriage or get tied down with some bloke our parents will choose for us ! Some girls already had boy friends, some made after coming to college/hostel and we all heard real life love stories in various permutations and combinations. Frankly speaking the ‘real life’ incidents I heard were not at all exciting. They spoke of breaking off more than making up. Such stores did leave me disillusioned and I wondered whether the hype that films create about ‘love’ is actually worth getting so much attention !


3 years passed and I shifted to Ambala cantt with my parents . It was my father’s last posting as Commandant of the Military Hospital, Ambala Cantt. We had a huge bunglow and I had no friends. There was this Kharga Library very near our bunglow and so I started getting books and reading became my favorite pastime. It was at this time that a major turning point came in my life – I came across ‘Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda’ and here , for the first time, I read that God can be seen and that one can manifest ones divinity! I had always been very religious minded and used to get unusual dreams about Gods – so when I saw the possibility of manifesting my divinity – I jumped for it. Actually I had always been too much perfection seeking – maybe because of my defense background and also the fact that I was a Libran – always trying to strike a balance !!


I started practicing Pranayama and meditation as taught in the book. My father retired and we all shifted to our ancestral house in New Barrackppore. It was some time in  November 1992, I went visiting a Lady who conducted sat-sangs in her residence and it was here that I met Him. His name was <censored>. Tall, dark, not handsome at all, Bengali speaking, not much educated but with one major USP – he used to get possessed by Mother Kali every Tuesday and Saturday. Being new to the suburbs, I didn’t know that it’s a common happening in West Bengal! I listened to his stories – there were others sitting beside him who authenticated his stories and I was impressed ! Just impressed that’s all.


What I didn’t realize was that people here only understand one thing – that the relationship between a stranger boy and a stranger girl can only be that of love (actually lust in order to quench your physical needs)  and nothing else ! Thus when I went to meet him in his hut-sized temple – a hype got created instantly and my mother forbade me to go and meet him altogether !! I think this could be one of the reasons that my respect and awe for him turned into ‘love’ ! I did a complete logical analysis (being ruled by number 5 – we have a tendency to logically scrutinize everything under the microscope). My logic was simple – I knew that manifesting divinity is not an easy job at all – since he had more or less reached a much higher spiritual plain – so I can just cling to him so that he can pull me up in the spiritual realm ! simple logic it was – He has God, I have Him – thus I have God – hence proved !


Thus began my illusionary  ‘spiritual’ love affair ! I confessed to him and he just smiled – he commented one thing though – how much ever time we are supposed to spend with each other – we will spend – not less , not more ! The more he said such things, the more I was sure of my love for him. Parents came to know – January 1993, and I was more or less kept under house arrest . They were shocked to hear of my decision of course – after having rejected Engineers and Defense officers – I had opted for an uneducated, poor priest – a schedule caste on top who had just borrowed the title ‘Banerjee’ in order to worship Mother Kali !!


I took up a job and worked as a PRO (Salora TV) in Hastings, Alipore (details of what I did in this office is given under the ‘Career Graph’ section here). I happened to meet him again after around 2 years in October 1994. I gave him my Office address and he came to see me in the Office. One of my colleagues, a senior Manager, reported this at home and it was a 3rd degree shock for my parents – they came to know that I still had not gotten over Him ! Well how could I? It was immortal love after all  in my dreams and visions I was given the understanding that he was the reincarnation of Shri Ramakrishna ! So it was but obvious for me to cling to this immortal illusion of mine !!


Anyways – thank-God-fully my brother had come over and when he was told of this incident, he asked me to pack my bags and took me to Bangalore. November 1994, I was in Bangalore. I joined NIIT , Richmond Road. I stayed there for around 8 months and since my brother got married (July 1995), I shifted to NIIT Salt Lake, Kolkata.


I carried on with life – disinterested in any other man (remember folks – I had found God – maybe just in my imagination – but then we all know how mind rules the body/ heart/ brain! )


It was March 1999. I saw him at the bus stop – I gave him my Office timing (I was working in HCL Frontline – details given under ‘Career Graph’ here) and asked him to meet me at the bus stop. Well, I met him after 5 years. Since I didn’t have much time – Office got over only at 6 pm, so all we did was sit together in the Charted bus and go back home ! We once sat in KC Das (Dharamtalla) had samosa & cold drinks – he gave me a pair of silver toe rings – I just wore it – showed it to him and gave it back to him since I could not carry it back home – lest someone would ask and find out and hell would break lose….I was basically very meek and subservient kind of a girl…I still am I think!)


 This happened some 5 to 6 times….. ie. 5-6 times of meeting almost consecutively – well guess what folks – I got thoroughly bored. There was nothing to talk to him about – our backgrounds- from the educational , cultural and financial fronts were different – absolutely different ! My friends at HCL were of great help – they told me about life and practicality – many people had told me the same earlier – but I guess my grey cells were on leave then !I got over him completely , absolutely ! I could not believe that I actually spent 7 years of my prime youth in mentally loving a man whose mere presence I could not tolerate for more that 5 days at a stretch !! I realized that I could have gotten over him much before – in the very beginning itself –  had my kith and kin not created such unnecessary hype – much ado about nothing !! 1992 to 1999 – the 7 year itch got over for good!


But my quest for Self realization did not end here. I did Art of Living – Level I and II. It could not quench my spiritual thirst. Later, I did Reiki – Level I and II . Reiki II level teaches distance healing/inviting. I invited my True Spiritual Guru . I wanted the true love of my life – the pure love, the perfect love – nothing less would do for me. It was December 2001.


July 2002. I was eventually led me to my True Guru – Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi, Founder of Sahaja Yoga.. So folks, it took me around 10 years to find my true love – my Guru. I believe that whatever happens, happens for good ! Honestly folks, I have no regrets for having let go of my prime youth in pursuing an illusionary ‘love’. Alls well that ends well!! It’s so true.

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2 thoughts on “My Love His-story!

  1. Sai Nellore


    Wow! I don’t know a single person who is more honest and candid than you! I am still shaking my head as I read your blogs to understand you and your writings. If you were in Hyderabad, I would beg to meet you in person for coffee and discuss a lot of things of mutual interest.

    Anyway, keep writing and more than anything, be yourself, 100%!

    With respect,


  2. When some great sorrow, like a mtihgy river, Flows through your life with peace-destroying power, And dearest things are swept from sight forever, Say to your heart each trying hour: “This, too, shall pass away.” When ceaseless toil has hushed your song of gladness, And you have grown almost too tired to pray, Let this truth banish from your heart its sadness, And ease the burdens of each trying day: “This, too, shall pass away.” When fortune smiles, and, full of mirth and pleasure, The days are flitting by without a care, Lest you should rest with only earthly treasure, Let these few words their fullest import bear: “This, too, shall pass away.” When earnest labor brings you fame and glory, And all earth’s noblest ones upon you smile, Remember that life’s longest, grandest story Fills but a moment in earth’s little while: “This, too, shall pass away.”

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