I must confess… I was quite the “marriage-crazy” girl in my teenage years!
Well, I’m a Libran, so maybe the dream of getting married and living happily ever after came naturally to me. My ambition in life, quite simply, was to get married and settle down — just like in all the movies and novels I grew up watching and reading. You know, where the prince meets the princess, they fall in love, and everything ends with a glowing “happily ever after.”
And I truly believed that my Prince Charming would arrive one day — right on time — and together we would begin our fairytale.
But that perfect dream began to show some cracks when I moved into a hostel. That’s when I started hearing real-life love stories — and trust me, they were nothing like what I had imagined. These were raw, often heartbreaking, and far from the glossy tales I had grown up believing.
You see, my biggest role model was always my mother. She ruled our home like an empress, and my father was completely content handing her the reins. They both came from similar backgrounds, and they had courted each other for 10 long years before getting married. In fact, like a scene straight out of a film, my dad — back in college — entered my mom’s home as her science tutor… and the rest, as they say, is history!
With that real-life example of love, and growing up on stories where love always triumphed, I was certain that falling in love and marrying the love of your life was not just ideal — but inevitable.
But then… Kolkata happened. Hostel life exposed me to reality — more break-up stories than patch-ups, and even the ones who stayed together were often plagued with doubts and insecurity. That lovely couplet by Rahim echoed in my heart:
“रहिमन धागा प्रेम का, मत तोरो चटकाय।
टूटे पे फिर ना जुरे, जुरे गाँठ परी जाय॥”
And slowly, the fairytale started fading. Yet somewhere deep inside, I still held onto hope. I believed that one day, I would meet my Prince Charming.
In fact, he was such a regular visitor in my imagination that even seeing a heroine in bridal makeup — like Jaya Prada, looking stunning in full Indian bridal attire — would trigger the silliest thought in my head! I would wonder, “What if my to-be husband watches this and starts expecting his bride to be this beautiful? Will I ever live up to that?” Silly thoughts, really — born out of innocence and ignorance.
And then… something shifted.
One fine day, I came across the Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. And just like that, a new door opened. His words made me pause and reflect: Who am I? Why am I? What am I?
And that’s when I first read about Kundalini Shakti — the inner spiritual energy. Suddenly, everything I thought I knew about life began to transform. Being a number 5, born on 5th October, I’ve always been driven by logic and analysis, so when I read that one can manifest divinity in this very life, I thought: “If that’s possible, what else could be more important?”
It didn’t mean I had to stay single — but it certainly meant I had to nurture my soul too. And so, I added one more quality to my ideal life partner list: he should be spiritually inclined.
Little did I know… that this one clause would make me a spinster for life!
Now before I end, let me answer the most obvious question: Do I regret it?
Absolutely not.
Yes, it took me a whole decade to find my True Spiritual Master, and yes, those ten years of seeking without a Guru were painfully dark — even pushing me into the abyss of suicidal depression. But as they say… All’s well that ends well.
In 2002, I found my Guru. And in that moment, my soul finally found what it had been thirsting for all along.
