My Introduction


Hi Folks!

I have written about my life – childhood,schoolhood,collegehood,careerhood,Masterhood (master to my pets ie.),etc-hood.

I tried to divide my life according to my Schools – rather classes – that way I think it is easier to write ..for there are so many things to write – 40+ years of ones life huh!? Not a joke.I will be giving enough proofs of my existance – I have done so previously as well but still I read in various forums that I am some male in the disguise of a female !! Amazing fools I must say – before making comments, they should check all about me – only then they should make such comments !

I am actually trying to write an autobiography.

Minus the boredom of minute details –

As seen in most Auto-Bio-Graphies.

Sometimes you will see prose, sometimes poetry –

Limericks , jokes (both veg & non-veg) which I have picked up

In the course of my life till date –

I will start from my early childhood

Whatever bits & pieces I remember ie.

If I miss some things in this release

I’ll surely furnish you with the details in the next release – the more updated one

I am doing it in a hurry

Because I’ll have a very busy Public Life you see

I have managed to pull a lot many lochas (trigger to scandals) my way

So in order to give it a finishing touch –

I’ll have to attend few Public meetings !

Please See – people who will eventually call me to justify my statements

Mostly bold ones,

Will have to sponsor my journey to & fro – by Air (Economy Class will do

I am not all that fussy about Class you see (bengalies seldom are actually)

And I intend staying in the best of Five Star Deluxe Hotels –

Royal Suite this time – every time I am not going to compromise okay?

As I know that because I truly want World Peace…..Indians authorities will

Book for me a khatmal (bed-bug) smitten Circuit House in some remote village

In India…..

For all you know they might even send some terrorist or under-world don to assassinate me…little do these fools know – that I am the upper world Don.(hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha).

And as mentioned above – all my proclamations are bold

Well obviously it had to be

Why donchya guys see the kinda sectors I am aiming at –

Films, Advertisements, Life style of the Rich and famous..

All of them are very bold & b-e-a-Utiful !

Also since it is an Auto-bio-grapy – I’ll supply you all with ample pictures

Graphical representation ie. of my childhood

Here I’ll thank good old Scientists for inventing Camera

Trapping light as done by retina of the eyes

You all cheated the Principle of sight made by God

Oh! Never mind its okay – this world is full of Teachers & Cheaters

Even the scientists were children once upon a time – remember?

(psst- this bit I picked up from APJ Abdul Kalam’s “Wings of Fire”

I saw all the pictures very intently – I liked it )

My Birth

Year – 5 th Oct, 1970.

Time – 4 pm.

Place – Chandigarh (capital of both Punjab & Harayana)

Also a Union Territory…I don’t know whether it still is.

Command Hospital – sector 11 or something.

My birth date coincided with Durga Puja “Panchami”

The doctors around were all uncannily Bengali Brahmins!!

Capt Chatterjee, Major Mukhopadhyay, Lt. Col Chakraborty !

Dad was a Major that time.

Mom had been expecting a son actually since all the symptoms were the same

As when she had been carrying my brother.

I was a Breach Baby !

ie. born upside down – ie. usually head comes out first …. but in my case – feet came out first.

It was a Normal Delivery – in fact I started my life on a locha note

Kind of – Morning shows the day ! – the nurse felt my mother’s abdomen and asked her to push..

She had mistakenly thought my buttocks to be my head – and announced “Head Fixed”

Its only when one feet came out first – she panicked – there was some Inspection going on that day – some General had been on the rounds – all Doctors were attending him.

Anyways she got the Doctor on time …my one feet had already turned kind of blue by that time….but still things became normal… and situation was under control

Had to be … for setting situation to commotion – I had to take birth successfully.

Infact the Doctor had told my half unconscious Mother “Your Maa Durga has come”

After birth as an Infant :

My Grandmother had come over – my mother’s mom ie.

She used to oil me mostly in Mustard oil and put me under the scorching sun (ouch!)

For Vitamin D to manufacture successfully !

This was much to my mother’s disapproval as she had categorically told her mom

Not to use the same body oil on hair – she wanted to use Johnson’s baby oil instead !

But her disapprovals had fallen on deaf ears – and the most feared thing happened !

As said “your worst fears come true”! my scalp got infected – dandruff, itchiness led to wound…further itchiness – led to open wound!

I believe my pil-pila (soft & delicate) skull was also seen..

Seeing this my father had commented – “your daughter will never get married”!

In this fashion world – a hairless daughter will not get married very easily !

He had ofcourse said it in an irritated tone as he was pretty upset about the fact that an educated doctor’s daughter , that too in the strict discipline of the Military….should suffer from a kind of a wound which the remote villagers living under unhygienic situations suffer from !!

My granny ofcourse blamed it on a spider – according to her a spider had chaatoed (licked) my scalp while I was asleep !

(just imagine ! in Fairy Tales the Prince come to chaato (lick …or kiss – same thing) and lo behold – in my case a spider did the needful !)

Anyways my mother did not lose hope – she went to the Army skin specialist

He gave the right medicine- fortunately !

And my hair …well according to people actually are pretty lovely, silky, long, shiny !!

I learnt walking a bit little early!

My walking style is not very lady like actually – this has been said to me by all!

Whoever I have met in my life – they all have said one thing in common –

“Aparna improve your walking style yaar (friend)”

“Aparna you walk like Charlie Chapline!”

“Aparna are you going to wrestle …you walk as if you are going to the wreslting ground”

the story behind is as follows :…well according to my mother ie.

My father had come visiting from the field area (we were in Peace Station)

I was around 8-9 months or so

He took up the challenge to make me learn to walk before he goes back …

With Military training fundas running at the back of his mind, he made me learn to walk

Well thus my walking style ..masculine as probably my father had taught me !

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