What Love taught me!
I am talking about the love locha that actually occurred to me in my life! I will obviously not narrate the entire story here – so just read my Love Story given in my blog.
So to summarize – I logically counseled myself into love with a God-man (who used to get possessed by Mother Kali on Tuesdays and Saturdays – much like Shri Ramakrishna) and thought that since he has found God, I will too soon find God if I just cling to him! Yeah! I was looking for a short cut…an easier way because in Complete Works of swami Vivekananda it was written that the moment you decide that you want to tread on the path of spirituality, be ready for hardships! I wanted to avoid the so called ‘hardships’ – so I thought it is better to be a wife of a God-man – that way I do not have to face much of hardships! Yea…pretty much dumb of me I must say!…and anyways Gods must have understood that I am trying to cheat them and get an entry into the Kingdom of God !!
My experiences that followed after I decided to be in love!
Well folks, he was a poor priest. I was educated so I could always get some job – thus I thought that I will work and run the household and let him be busy with worshiping God – that way by serving him and taking care of his material needs I would be ultimately somehow serving God only! And then I started hunting for jobs!
Whereas my parents were hunting for a suitable groom for me in the matrimonial column, I was hunting for a job! In fact, to be very frank I never wanted to work! Whenever we girls in college-hostel discussed about life after college and career – I used to look surprised…like why on earth should we work? Our husbands will take of our needs! This was my actual aim in life… get married (to a tall good-looking highly educated well settled man – lol) settle down….be a mother…and live happily ever after…..till I came across Complete works of Swami Vivekananda! Being exposed to his spiritual wisdom – a new ingredient got attached to my aim – I wanted my self realization…I wanted God! (little did I realize that this one ingredient will over-power all other aims!)
Well folks I found petty jobs and joined such jobs too – my career graph is given here – you may read the elaborate job descriptions I have had along with what I learnt by being in touch with so many people from all walks of life!
So what did love teach me?
To become more tolerant I guess. I worked with people who ran their entire household with measly 1200 to 1800/- rupees per month (talking about 1993)! I heard their stories, their experiences, their aims and aspirations. I would never have come so much in touch with such people had I not shared my tiffin with them and spent so much time with them! I realized why people do things –crime, lying, cheating included – they must have had a very difficult childhood!
I realized people from stingy backgrounds, strict but hypocritical families had a lot of bitterness in them. They get into a self-started competition with others the moment they feel inferior to someone. They either suffer from inferiority complex or major superiority complex – no balance. Of course not everyone was like that – there were many who were perfectly sane, practical and down to earth and believed in doing good and being good!
So ‘Love’ gave me the much required exposure to the world and its people! I had lived a very protected life – first 18 years in the Army environment (which also teaches a lot of tolerance btw.), the next three years in hostel – had friends from more or less similar financial/ educational backgrounds – so we were all the same! But career scenario made me understand how the world actually runs – how and what all can people do for money…how money can make one dance like a baboon!
Alls well that ends well!
Anyways, I got over my dumb platonic illusion (lasted for 7 years! The seven years itch!!) and soon I found my sadhguru – so the setbacks I have had and the time-waste and the hardships – all are forgotten! All rude/ cheap/ insulting behaviours – FORGIVEN! For the more the idiocy I saw among fellow human beings..the more I was drawn towards higher things in life – towards Gods! So I must in fact thank those people more who were basically vile creatures! Lol!!